Last night I felt you move for the first time. Or at least I think I did… I mean let’s be honest, it could have been gas? It’s still so hard to tell, as I’ve never been pregnant before, all of this is totally new to me. Each day I look in the mirror at my changing body and I’m amazed and bemused. I still remember the autumn Sunday morning a year ago when your dad and I decided that 2018 was going to be the year we made a baby. We were so excited. January rolled around and I came off birth control. For some months we tried and failed to get pregnant, but then just as we started to get worried, I peed on the stick and it was positive! Hurray!
For 5 months now you have been growing inside me, and we have been through a lot already as a little family. The tiredness and sickness of the first trimester, taking the trip to Sweden to get an NIPT test to make sure you were viable fetus, switching all my favourite clothes for exclusively stretchy pants, cravings for cold apples, researching prams, nappies, and baby monitors, and (hilariously) my belly button popping out! One of the best experiences so far was watching you move and wave to us on our 18 week scan, with Nana Jan and Grandad Ian watching over Facetime.
In March 2019 I will be able to hold you in my arms for the very first time. Your dad and I are so looking forward to meeting you, we are so curious about what you will be like, and have so many hopes for your future. We haven’t even met you yet, but we talk about you all the time.
What kind of music you will be into?
Where we will live as you grow up. Maybe we will end up moving back home to England, or to Berlin or Paris? Maybe we will stay here in Norway?
What your sense of humour will be like?
If you will call us Mum & Dad or mama og papa?
If you will need glasses like we do?
What your favorite dinosaur will be?
What your nickname will be?
What job you will have when you are our age?
If you will want to learn a musical instrument?
We can teach you to be kind and fair.
You love your school.
You have the means to go to university and buy your own house.
You don’t hate us too much when you are a teenager.
We can be comforting and guide you through the difficult times in your life.
You have cool friends that inspire you.
You can come to us for advice and honest chats about taboo subjects like sex, drugs, and mental health.
… and that your friends can too!
We can afford to give you the stuff you need, even if we can’t afford to spoil you.
That we will learn Norwegian to a good enough level so that we can be more social with the other parents, and help you with your homework.
That we can find appropriate ways to teach you about difficult topics such as racism, sexism, and homophobia, which don’t traumatise you but instead help you better understand the experiences of others.
To always be honest with you.
To stay on top of our mental health as best as we can.
To take you to England, Belgium, and Austria as much as possible so you can have good relationships with your wider family.
That we will never make you feel like you are forced to be vegan. It’s your choice, and we love you whether you are vegan or not.
To save what we can so we can help you out with university or a house deposit.
To give you space to be yourself and support you in exploring that.
To teach you to be responsible with money.
That we understand if you don’t want to be our ‘friend’ on social media.
That when your dad and I get annoyed at each other, we’ll never make you play referee.
That if you do want to get a tattoo I’ll help you find the best tattooist to design it and tattoo you.
We will be your biggest cheerleaders, as you pursue your passions.
To hear your voice for the first time.
To bake chocolate chip cookies with you.
To dance around the kitchen to Prince with you.
To throw you awesome birthday parties.
To make you packed lunches for school.
To take you to your first concert, and buy you your first record.
To help you with your outfit for costume parties.
To take you to a pub in Manchester with Uncle Jed for your first pint.
To teach you how to swim.
To make up nonsense songs with you.
To learn and create new recipes together.
To watch Twin Peaks with you, and admit afterwards that we did not understand what the hell happened at the end.
To decorate the Christmas tree with you.
To take you to the chippy on the way home from watching your first football match.
To visit Vigelands Park with you and pose with the sculptures.
So little baby, as you can see, we have been thinking a lot about your future. It’s going to be awesome to have you here, but we are in no rush. Take your time to grow big and strong in there over the next four months. We love you so much already, see you on the other side.